I wish I was a better blogger

Well, here I am....this is starting to be a common theme in my posts! The weird thing is I love writing and I am online a lot so I don't understand why it is so hard to put the two together! Life is feeling a bit bittersweet at the moment. For the last 5 years, I've wanted the boys to get older....to make it easier on me. I never understood why moms were sad sending their kids off to Kindergarten. My selfish mind thought, "Hey, it'll just mean less work for me, what's the big deal?" Well, I'm learning it is a big deal. A really big deal. Phili wrapped up two years of pre-school last week and is looking forward to starting Kindergarten this fall. I'm hyperventilating a little bit ha. It's starting to dawn on me in a very real way that these last 5 precious years that I've been able to stay home with him are going to be over in a flash. I'm starting to wonder, Have I spent enough quality time with him? Have I instilled enough morals and values in him? Is he going to do ok at school? Will he spill his milk at lunch and be embarrassed? Did I spend too much time on Facebook and not enough time playing with him? The list goes on. And on and on. I know it's all a part of life but I don't like this chapter in our life ending. I don't like endings period. When the closing music comes on Jay Leno at the end of the show, I have to turn the channel because the ending makes me feel nostalgic. How weird is that?

Life

So I guess I'm not that great of blogger afterall :) Thanks for hanging with me if you're reading this. The funny thing is I have so many things I'd love to sit down and write about but with two very active boys who don't nap, that presents a challenge. It doesn't help that I usually fall asleep while reading to Wesley every night! But, I've been removing time suckers from my life (which for me are facebook, tv) and I'm starting to focus on the things that are important to me and this is one of them. Where do I begin? You don't know this but I've been sitting at my computer for a while now, trying to figure that out :) Well, for starters I still love living in RW. At first I didn't want to move away but looking back it was the best decision we could have made. I still stay home with the boys but between caring for a friend's kid weekly and serving at the Y, I keep busy which I like (when I can keep it all in balance). I say that last part because I have a way of getting out of balance with my time and usually it's my family that suffers when that happens. It's hard for me to say no to people when they need a favor so I end up saying yes to everyone and then end up exhausted for Richie and the boys. I love to be helpful but if my family has to sacrifice in order for me to do it, it is no longer helping. The first few times I said no to people was seriously hard for me to do but it felt good to put my family first. Funny I had no intention in this post going this direction but it's a daily struggle for me so I guess it's on my mind more than I thought. Da boys. Aww the boys. They are so full of laughter, fun & craziness...man do they feed off each other's energy! Who knew two little people could bring me so much joy and frustration in a matter of seconds. Phili is our calm intellectual. I had to google how to spell that so you know that daddy is the one that works with him haha. I don't want to be a braggy parent so I won't go into detail lol but Richie is very dedicated to teaching him educational skills and it's amazing what there little minds can understand and grasp if given the time and opportunity. I on the other hand have been busy teaching them armpit farts, how to be respectul and lots about Jesus. It's a nice balance. But for real though, that kid sits and thinks all day, you can see the wheels spinning in his little mind and he asks questions all day. Oh boy, does he ask questions! They're usually mathematical ones. Last month, I was looking forward to a 2 hour drive home because I thought it'd bring peace and quiet and they would fall asleep in the car and I'd get to listen to music. Not the case. Phili thought with Wesley sleeping, it would be the perfect time for us to take turns counting to 1,000. Haha I love that kid, Richie junior for sure. Then we have Wesley. Oh Wesley. Now, he takes after his mama. He's more about having fun. We try to work with him on letters/numbers but he can't sit down long enough to focus. Maybe that will come with age or maybe it's payback for what I put my parents through :)He is very adventurous and daring. I mean, we've reached our deductable every year with him and he's only 3. Phili's never had a serious injury. Wesley on the other hand has had constant bruises, a set of stitches, a broken collarbone, and oh yeah a fractured skull (hoping you all know that story). Come to think of it, he's broken both his collarbones because he broke one while I was giving birth. He is one tough cookie. I love that boy's spunk though and I love when other people appreciate it and see his heart and not just the energy. Well if you've made it this far, thanks for tuning in. I promise to be more dedicated to posting!

Funny Boy Phili

I was kind of sad yesterday thinking about Phili going off to Kindergarten next year so I asked him to come cuddle with me and he quickly refused saying, "Mom, I'm like a man now!" Funny boy. There's been a lot of sickness going around this winter and we were victims of the stomach bug that went around about a month ago. I thought this picture was pretty funny as it summed up those few weeks of sickness. Phili actually was the one vomiting on this particular day so I love his face in this photo :)

"So thankful for this moment"

I took a yoga class today (not the norm for me) and during the class a song played with the lyrics, "I'm so thankful for this moment". That verse stuck with me because it is so fitting to where I'm at right now. I wish I could just freeze time and keep Phili 5 forever (Wesley could fast forward a few months if it were up to me lol). I'm suddenly realzing that this fall, Phili will be in Kindergarten and these precious years I've had home with him will be over in a flash and we'll be entering a totally different chapter in our life. I feel like I'm really holding on tight to these days and don't want to look back with any regrets. We've been doing more library, forts, finger painting, late nights watching Full House hehe, because I know that next year will be completely different. In our town, when you start school, you go 5 full days/wk right when Kindergarten begins. I won't go into details but I'm not sure I will be sending him to the publie school. He may go to the Christian school which is 3 days/wk and I've even been researching homeschooling. I'm learning more towards the Christian school but we're just not sure yet. Stay tuned for all of that!

Guess who's back...back again.....

Well, after almost 2 years (what!), I've decided I want back in the blogging world. I love looking back on posts about the boys and really love that it's a smaller community to share things with that I don't want hundreds of people to see. If you've forgiven me and are letting me back in your blogging world, I thank you :) If this is your first exposure to "Phili's mom" (oops time to update), I hope this serves as a place for you to catch up on our life, maybe have a laugh and hopefully be encouraged by some of my future posts that have been stirring up in my heart. I love writing, I love encouraging people and it's been too long since I've done both. Thanks for stopping by!!

Content

Wow....I am almost ashamed to even blog, it has been so long! Life is good. It is really good. I am very happy to be home with the boys and am honestly trying to cherish these days because as every old woman in the grocery store checkout line tells me....they go by so fast!

We have been very busy in the Lockwood home chasing Wesley around and making sure he doesn't destroy anything too valuable. The kid is busy! He is so much fun though and so incredibly happy. He can frustrate the heck out of me and make me laugh hysterically all in a matter of seconds.

Phili is coming around to him. It was a struggle for a while every time Wesley was, well, in the same room as him. Lego tower? Knocked over. Coloring? Crayons eaten. Puzzles? Hurricane. Books? Ripped. You get the point ;)

Oh! And we added to our family last weekend by getting a dog. I went to the Farmer's Market to get some Gluten Free bread and came home with a dog. And the bread. But most importantly-the dog. The Humane Society had a special event going on and the minute I saw "Lucky" I was in love. Seriously. I don't even recognize this person typing. I am not a dog lover. I love my brother's dogs and that's about it. It sounds cheesy but the minute I laid eyes on him, I knew he had to be a part of our clan. Ha. That is super cheesy! He is a mutt. An "All-American" dog if you ask Phili. They think he has a lot of rat terrier in him. He's very sweet, timid, cuddly. We let Phili name him. Richie & I love the name Jethro for a dog but something about a 10 pound mutt just doesn't scream Jethro. So we tried to talk Phili into Jett. But, being the avid Beatles fan that he is, he named him after his favorite Beatles song-Jude.

I have been working very pt at the Y with kid's since August, not sure if I have blogged about that...ha, probably not since I've only blogged once since then! I enjoy working in the Kid's gym with kids ages 3-7. Phili gets to come to work with me and it's really fun to see him interact with kids. He's at a really fun age right now. Just when I thought I was going to rip my hair out, he turned three and his behavior became so much better. He is like a mini Richie. He loves animals, nature, planets, books, and most importantly, Jesus! He loves to talk about Jesus and it warms my heart. I could write a book about all the funny things that come out of his mouth but I will save that for another time. You know, in like 4 months ;)

I recently finished a training program called "Couch to 5K". It's a 9 week running program which consists of running 3 times a week for people that aren't runners but aspire to be. I can't say I love running while I'm running, but I love it afterwards! I liked it enough to start another program to train for a 10k so I'm training for that right now. My good friend and I are going to split a half marathon this summer. Maybe next year, I'll do the whole half....we'll see!

Richie still likes his job and enjoys being challenged and is learning a lot. In my eyes, he is the bast dad in the world and I am so proud that he's ours ;)

Wow, this is starting to sound like a Christmas letter, so I deem it appropriate to end it with well wishes that this blog post finds you all well and healthy! Haha.....

Here are a few photos. Auntie Abby snapped a photo of Wesley taking some of his first steps. He is all walker now. Oh boy! Enjoy.

Poor excuse for a blogger

Wow-it's been 2 months since my last post!? I am not sure if anyone will still even check this but kudos to you if you do and thank you for still checking after I have so sadly neglected you for so long. I have a silly monkey boy crawling all over me but I just wanted to assure you that we're all still kicking in our house! I will leave you with a cute pic of the boys in hopes of forgiveness!?

I can't think of a title :)

Let's see....I love having two little boys. I really do. They are starting to interact and it makes the days that much more enjoyable. Wesley is a super easy baby. He laughs and screeches and smiles and laughs some more. They are both super easy to bring places too so I can go to the store, walks, park, Y, etc and they are both usually happy just to be out and about. They are social butterflies! I wonder where they get that? =)

Phili is doing great at school. (He's in a pre-school room at a daycare 2 mornings a week but he likes to call it school). He gets "report cards" when he goes for the whole day and so far he's received all smiley faces on them....which to be quite honest, shocked me at first. I pretty much made his teacher look me straight in the eyes and tell me that he truly is a good boy at school. Come to find out, he really is! Makes Mama proud! He has been so fun to just have conversations with and hear what comes out of his little mind. He turns 3 in September and he is dead set on having an Owl themed birthday party. Hasn't changed his mind in months. We shall see what September brings!

I have been doing a Beth Moore Bible study at our church and also helping out when I can. I really like the study. I feel like I am trying to better myself in corners of my life that I never would have thought about before. The whole study is about moving to a higher level in our walk with God. I am so ready for that! I am really trying to not let any complaining, negativity or badmouthing come out of my mouth. It's amazing when you set a goal like that, so many opportunities arise that will tempt you!

I'm nowhere near where I would like to be but I am really trying. And thankfully, God sees my heart and not all my failures. I look back on how I used to be and it amazes me that I could criticize and bad mouth others so freely. What a sad way to live! I am so thankful that God has been working in my heart the last few years to get rid of that junk and just love others freely....the way He does.

Which brings me back to my favorite Joyce Meyer quote, "I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I was!" God has been doing a lot of neat things in my life. Not all of them are joyful and exciting. Some are really hard and I need to practice discipline and obedience (and keeping my mouth shut!) but regardless, they all need to be done and I am thankful for the healing and the closeness it has brought me to God.

Wow, I was just going to quickly write about the boys! But in all honesty, I can't give you and update about my life without talking about my faith because thankfully, the two are so closely intertwined that I am not one without the other.

I have been having loads of fun taking Zumba (latin dance classes...think Shakira!) 3 times a week. They have it at the Y and I just love it. They boys do really well at the daycare there and I get to shake it and have an awesome work out for an hour!

Richie is still on shift schedule at work so he has some really good weeks and some challenging weeks. I am thankful for the challenging ones because they make the good ones that much better.

I hope you are all having an enjoyable summer. Having two little one doesn't allow me to catch up on blogs as much as I would like but I trust you're all doing great. Lots of Love always~

Life

Ok so I was giving my sister in law a hard time about not updating her blog and here I sit....one month later :)

Life is great. Wesley is off all meds (yay!). Phili is loving having a little brother. Wesley's face fills with delight when he sees his big brother. Richie has had a nice schedule this summer so that's been really enjoyable.

To be honest, I have just really been focusing my time on being the best mom, wife, Christian, etc. that I can be. I'm making it a goal when I wake up in the morning to not let any negative comments come out of my mouth. I haven't succeeded yet but I am still trying! It's amazing when you start to monitor more closely what you are allowing to fill your mind with throughout the day. Garbage in-garbage out! It's nice to be in a place where things (filth) start to bother you more on television. Do you know what I mean? I have lots I can write about this but for now, Phili is dressing me up like Mr. Potato head so I will have to end. But I hope you are all having a blessed summer!

3 months

Wesley is 3 months today. I feel like I have finally emerged from that foggy newborn, sleep deprived stage. I am pretty much madly in love with the little dude. He is just so darn sweet, I can hardly stand it. He is smiley and giggly and curious and just so chubby and lovable. I am at my parent's house so I don't have any recent pictures but I will post one soon.

He is getting a pretty consistent sleep schedule at night and when he does wake up once a night to feed, I actually get excited to go in his room and nurse him. I always thought moms that said that were crazy or slightly annoying but now I am one of them!

I am working really hard on balancing out my affection between Phili and Wesley (and Richie!). Phili is getting better with Wesley. He just has a really intense way of showing his love for him that is a little tough to handle. I have a very spirited 2 year old and I need to figure out how I can allow him to be all that he can be without squashing his spirit by getting upset with him over petty things. Parenting is tough stuff! But I feel very blessed to be where I'm at in life and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Hope life is treating you all well. Much love.

Down time?

I think that is what I am experiencing right now but it's been a while so it feels quite strange! I am up at my parent's house with the two little dudes. Life is settling back to normal. The outage ended this past weekend, so Richie is working 40 hours this week and it is lovely. (I had to come home for a funeral otherwise I would be thoroughly enjoying the family time at home). Richie is getting some alone time to work on the yard and such which he so deserves so it's all good.

Since my last post, Wesley went from being up every two hours to only waking up once in the middle of the night to feed. He was put on a medication for Thrush along with his acid reflux meds and that was the first night he slept like a champ. He must have been so uncomfortable until then :( He's usually a pretty happy baby. The meds make his tummy upset though so that always breaks my heart!

Phili is doing much better. It is amazing what spending time with Richie does for his soul. He's a different child when he doesn't get to spend time with him but when he gets daddy time, he is happier than can be. It's been this way his whole life. They have a pretty special bond. Since Welsey has come into our lives, I haven't blogged much about Phili but I want to share some things so that I don't forget and also for those of you who don't see him (or only see him at his worst!)

He is very imaginative and creative. He has a box full of toys that rarely gets opened. His favorite toys are kitchen utensils and anything that resembles a stick. He loves being out and about. He loves animals as much as his daddy. He loves to be read to. He LOVES our families. He is really good with numbers and letters, except when he wants to know how old another kid is, he asks me what letter he is? :) Richie doesn't like when I say this about him, but he is clumsy like me. I can't tell you how many times he trips over nothing or runs into a wall. He is one tough cookie though! He is just really excited about life and always in a hurry to move on to the next adventure. He's been going to "school" two mornings a week. His teachers say he does wonderful and he is always happy when I pick him up. He loves to sing. He always asks to see the scars on my forehead and elbow so he can kiss them. He is a really sweet boy (when he isn't tired!). I don't give him enough credit for what a good boy he usually is but I am working on that. Here is a picture of him with our neighbor friend Piper. One of his favorite things to do is go for rides with her on her Gator.

Stuff

1st off....Cooper Alan is here!!! He was born Tuesday morning. It was so exciting being at the hospital waiting for his arrival with our family and Abby's parents. I live for moments like that! Here is a picture of the handsome little guy.



Wessie is 10 weeks old today. Weighing in at a whopping 16 pounds! Can I get some fries with that whopper? His acid reflux is getting better. Still up every two hours at night but some nights he throws me a bone and sleeps longer. We'll get there. Phili was the same way too. What can I say, I'm raising a couple of party animals? :)

Richie is still working 74 hours/week but it isn't overnights anymore so I can totally handle it. We actually get to see him for a couple hours a night now which is pure bliss. Even though times can get hard, it really makes you appreciate it when they are good. And right now it is good :)

Potty Training

We've been working a little bit with Phili on potty training. Not too much but we're starting to get better at being more consistent with him going on the potty every day. Well today I let him wear big boy "Cars" underwear for the first time right after he went on the potty.

I kept asking him if he had to go potty every few minutes and he said no every time. Well, within a minute of me asking, I hear "Uh-oh...my cars are all wet!"

My immediate feeling was frustration at him for going right after he said he didn't have to but thankfully I had just read last night not to get upset with them when they have accidents.

So I went over to him and said "It's okay honey, it's just an accident."

To which he sweetly replied "Do you forgive me?"

Unfortunately at his tender age of two, he's already been asked for forgiveness from his mommy several times so he knows what that means. But it was still sweet all the same!

Happy 2 months!

I can't believe Wessie is already 2 months old! It has gone by so fast. Here are some pics of the little whopper and big brother.





Phili's time-out spot....Looks pretty comfy there eh?


Smiling at his brother

Not all bad....

I don't want my posts to seem too gloom and doom :)

My amazing mom and sister heard my s.o.s. last week and swooped in to save the day. Not only did my mom come down and help with the kids, food, dishes, etc. She took Phili back home with her for a night and my sister took him for a night as well.

Talk about RELIEF! It felt so good to just have Wesley. I finally got things checked off of my To-Do list from a month ago that I was hoping to get done the day I made it, I cleaned, Richie and I got to spend some time together without getting smacked in the face with a toy for not giving Phili all of our attention, and best of all I got SLEEP. It was wonderful. Thank you Mom and Mamie!

Survivor mode

I am doing better but I am at the point right now that feels like I just have to survive the next week and we'll be okay. The outage will be done in a month but Richie will be done working overnights in a week. I was just reading an old post from when Richie had to work in Kansas from the time Phili was 4 months until 7 months (although he drove 16 hours round trip every every wknd to see us for a day and a half!) I remember at that time thinking that the end would never come but obviously it did and now it is just a distant memory. I was very much into listening to the song "Hear Comes the Sun" by the Beatles that last month of him working there. And I am finding myself listening to it again :)

This is just another season in life that will come and go. About a year ago at this time I was ridiculously happy about life and I knew to appreciate it and enjoy it while it lasted and I am so glad I did. And I know that I will be again soon.

I think of so many women who are single moms, widows, military wives, etc. I really can't complain.

Oh and we found out Wesley has Acid Reflux so he's been on Zantac which has really helped. Now if they just made a drug for a naughty toddler......haha....I kid, I kid :)

A few pics

My Mom

Recently a few friends of mine were complaining about ways they were turning into their mothers. Mainly just funny things their moms did when they were kids that they swore they would never do when they became a parent. I listened quietly, nodding and politely smiling, when suddenly the conversation turned to me and I was asked if I was like my Mom.

I couldn't lie, so I answered the only way my heart knew how....."I really hope so" I said.

They seemed a little surprised by my answer...but that's because they've never met my Mom.

I don’t think there has been a word invented to describe my mom. The obvious come to mind-selfless, giving, thoughtful, helpful, wise, discerning, beautiful, kind, generous, fun, loving, etc. But none of these words do her justice.

Trying to describe my mom is like trying to describe love. So great and wonderful but you just can't put it into words.

How do you describe someone who is constantly thinking of ways to better the lives of her loved ones? Or someone who knows help is needed before it's even asked? Or someone who will put the needs of others before herself and never complain once? Or someone who seeks God every single day of her life and when that life around her becomes a storm, she stays calm and steady, hopeful and faithful?

No, there are no words to describe my mom to someone who hasn't been fortunate enough to meet her. But I have a feeling if they saw the genuineness of her smile and the kindness in her eyes; they wouldn't question my answer one bit.

I love you Mom!

This too shall pass

That is what I have been telling myself everyday for the last few weeks. We are in the thick of the outage with Richie working 72 hours a week 6 overnights/wk (He leaves around 4:30pm and gets home around 6am). I didn't realize how much I would miss him. Not just his help but actually him. Although he is very helpful with the boys when he is home. He is so good to me too, always trying to sacrifice his own sleep when he gets home in the morning so I can get some rest. We are both pretty stubborn though so that usually doesn't go as planned :)

Wesley is 7 weeks old today. He is still up every 2 hours at night but he is growing big so I know he's healthy. He's been smiling and cooing lately. It is so cute!

I think it's starting to settle in with Phili that this little dude is here to stay because his behavior has been practically unbearable to deal with lately. He started preschool for 2 and 3 year olds two mornings a week so it has been really nice to get some things done. I miss him a little bit while he's gone and that is good, I think :)

Wow, this is sounding really waa waa waa! Sorry about that. This season in our lives will be over shortly and I knew the outage would be difficult. It's just a little more lonesome than I anticipated. I will try to post a more uplifting post soon but honestly right now this is all I got. My nephew Cooper should be here very soon so that is really exciting and is keeping me going everyday! I will try and update with some photos of the boys soon.

Easter Cutie patootie

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter! I didn't get a picture of Phili this year but here is one of Wesley. Poor little Phili has totally been on the back burner this past month. I am really needing to do something about that and SOON! He's been quite the terrorizer lately and I know he is just desperately wanting my attention.

We had a nice Easter. I went home with the boys (Richie had to work overnights all wknd). I got to celebrate my uncle's birthday, hear my sister-in-law sing in their Easter production (amazing) and celebrate Jesus with most of my family. Oh and I got to hang out with my best friend and her kids who I used to nanny for who I miss like crazy. It was a great weekend but I am so glad to be back home. There really is no place like home. Phili doesn't do well traveling so as much as I love going to my parent's house, it is always so nice to get back into a routine. Ha...who am I kidding, like we have a routine?! :)

Wesley weighs in at a whopping 13.5 pounds! He just turned one month and he has almost doubled his birth weight. He looks like a little sumo wrestler. This nursing around the clock thing is paying off :)

I am still wanting to write my birth story but please bare with me. I haven't had much time to sit down and even wrap my head around life but I will get there soon! Hope you're all doing well. Much love.