I don't even know how to explain the point that I am at with Philip. He has exhausted me more than I ever thought possible. For a while I just thought he was being a normal toddler but the older he's getting, the more challenging he is getting and I don't know what to do.
He bites me, pulls my hair, scratches me, etc. He seems so angry but I have no idea why? Being away from home for a month made things a lot worse so I am hoping they will get better soon. I literally count the hours until Richie gets home so that I can have a break from him and I hate that it's like that. If I was a person who cries when they are mad, I am pretty sure I'd be in tears more than half of the day when I am alone with him.
I know part of the problem is that I've been treating him the same way I did when he was a baby. If he cries, I jump to fix it, if he's frustrated, I jump to fix it. He was such a good baby but now that I'm still treating him like that, he's become spoiled . I'm working on that. Another part is that he won't nap anymore so he gets overtired. I just don't know what to do. I get comments from people and looks from people and I just want to scream.
He is fantastic for Richie so that's good. He's actually really good for anybody else too (when I'm not around). He goes to the Y all the time and they think he is such a good boy so I just let them keep thinking that :) Any advice from you moms who have kids who have been through this before would be really encouraging. I need something. I could really use a glass of wine right about now! *Sigh*
Monday, October 5, 2009
This child of mine
Posted by Mary at 10:20 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Yikes Mary... you are suppose to say it gets easier! Cole reminds me so much of Phili... just a few months behind him so I have this to look forward to!? Unfortunately I know how you feel, it takes a lot out of you to be with these little ones all day! I have no advice because I am struggling with the same battle! I have noticed one thing with Cole. He needs his outside time! I hate the cold, but I make myself go out with him at least once a day. He seems to do a lot better when he has had his outside time. Ignore other people... all kids are different and boys are crazy! Wish we lived closer so we could get the boys together for a play date to use some energy! Also they are always better behaved for everyone else, I hate that, but I think it's because they are with us all day! Hang in there and take a break/nap when Richie gets home, you deserve it!
Thanks Erin. I did take your advice and run around with him outside this afternoon. You're right, it does make a difference. Thanks for your encouragement!
Hey Mar, Obviously I only have a 10 month old, but I think I gained a lot of experience from having Shamar for 4 months! So I will give some suggestions.
When Shamar did anything we were trying to break (hitting, whining, tantrums) we would do a few days of instant time outs. Every single TINY thing he did that was what we were trying to break (on purpose or not) would warrant a time out. If he couldn't stay in his timeout chair he would move to his bed. He learned real fast to endure the chair and quit the whining (or whatever we were working on at the time). We even had his babysitter do it for a full day and she said she couldn't believe the difference it made!
They just need to know that you are the boss and they are not.
As for naps, how are you trying to give them? A boy his age should still be napping (I think!?). Is he still in his crib? Do you/can you let him CIO? if he is in his bed and keeps getting out, I say let him play in his room with the door closed.
I used to give Shamar some books and toys in bed and told him he had to stay in bed or I would take them away.
If he got out of bed, every single toy in his room was taken away.
So even though he was playing for a while, he always eventually fell asleep. Plus the quiet time alone is restful for him (and you!!)
As for the treating him like a baby, we learned REAL fast if we reacted to Shamar like he was a baby, he acted like one!
So we started expecting him to act like a big boy. We never went running for injuries (unless bleeding was involved!) until we conversed through it "what happened? Does it hurt? where does it hurt? What should we do about it?"
By the time the kissing/praying for the owie came, the pain was already over :)
Anyways, every child is different so I'm only telling you what worked for us but I hope some of it helps! I love you girl, I'm praying for you!
ps I really hope none of that sounded know it all! I hardly know anything, but getting a foster child with MUCH to be undone meant having to learn real fast what does and doesn't work :) I love you!
Thanks Rae. Don't worry, it doesn't sound like that all. I really appreciate all of it. He is actually finally sleeping right now. Thank God. I was never really enforcing rest time but today I was very consistent with laying him back down and disciplining him each time he got up. You did a wonderful job with Shamar so I will gladly take any advice you have. Love you.
I didn't read the other comments, so I might be redundant here...
I would start by praying for him every day. Either before he wakes up or while you hold him right way in the morning, when he goes to bed at night, when he is already sleeping =) Pray FOR him and for understanding OF him.
Tate was MY HARDEST in more ways than I can even explain. He brought out sides in me I didn't even know existed. One day, in tears, on my knees, I asked God to speak RIGHT TO MY SPIRIT b.c it was all I knew to ask....and He did! He showed me that Tate needed TONS of positive reinforcement...which seemed impossible since I barley even liked him at the time ;) BUt I can not even tell you, within days things started to turn around. This is still how I "deal" with him (3 years later..and prob. the rest of his life) when he gets a bit out of hand
Sorry...that is long...my point is, don't underestimate the power of our father who WANTS to tell us how to love these kids and how to understand them...just b.c they are ours doesn't mean we necessarily understand them!
I also think that CONSISTENT discipline is not just important, but a complete MUST. He NEEDS to know that when you say something, you mean it. kids are so smart and if they know you will change your tune when they start making a scene or pulling your hair....they wont ever stop. It may be hard the first few times (ok it WILL be hard) especially if their is an audience, but it will TOTALLY pay off in the long (even short) run.
It WILL get better. I promise!! I can speak personally from experience three times already =) (onto number 4 and 5....sigh...hahah! just kidding)
And I wasn't kidding when I said each child after him will be SO much easier to deal with b.c you have SEEN it DOES get better. There is more hope from the start!
I love you...sorry its so long!
Post a Comment