Truth is I am done pretending

Generally when I have a bad day, I vent about it, spend more time with God, get a good work out, wake up the next day and feel great.

Today was different. I woke up this morning with a very heavy heart. Heavier than yesterday. I woke up really sad. That never happens. I am one of those annoyingly positive people that don't like to be around negativity. I don't usually have a lot of compassion for overall negative people and I don't understand them. If my mood starts to turn negative, I can generally turn my thoughts to something good and get out of it quickly. Not this time.

I think it's a combination of people around me hurting, Philip being more difficult than I can even put into words, Richie working so much and oh yeah.. pregnancy hormones. I forgot about those. I wonder... is it Philip feeding off of my mood or is it me being in this kind of mood because he put me here? Whatever the case, I desperately want to get out of it.

My mom and sister offered to take him for a few days next week and initially I said no but they are insisting and quite frankly I need it. I've never done this before but I think it will be really good. They said "I know you'll miss him"...ha....we'll see about that :)

I know that this too shall pass and in the meantime I am going to use it as another opportunity to lean on God for his support because I know I can't do it alone.

Really hoping my next post will be a more positive one. Thanks for putting up with a Debbie Downer but this feels really good not to hold it in anymore.


I will lift my eyes to the maker, of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to calmer, of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the healer, of the hurt I hold inside

Bebo Norman-I Will Lift My Eyes